In my life I've regretted tons of things from letting others hurt, criticize, mentally and physically abuse me; to doing half the bullshit i did to hurt anyone who means anything to me. I've hurt many people who cared and I've also pushed away the ones who really mattered and who I wanted to keep close. And even when they come back into my life... it doesn't feel the same. it will never be the same. . i admit at times i feel like taking the easy way out and just suicide and honestly now that I'm actually thinking about it. i wouldn't want to do that. i have to finish everything i started. i have to be here for my older sister. i have to complete my dreams. my fantasies of being in love. my hopes of becoming successful. becoming a registered nurse. helping the people who need to be helped. i admit I have tons of sins. some that .. maybe i'll never be forgiven for. my mom says I'm done a lot of good and that she doesn't see why i wouldn't be forgiven. but i do. for some reason i see my every flaw. i want to do like my sister says and let go of the past and move forward but how can i ? when the past makes the present right? . . .
to be continued.. not in the mood for anymore typing for today.
